This post is not going to be very flattering but I said that I was going to share my ups and downs, my achievements and my failures. You can’t get the good without the bad, right? Honesty and vulnerability- sometimes the hardest things to share with others.
My life is sometimes overwhelming. I’ve always made myself busy with many things, and this stage of my life is no different. I wish there were more hours in a day but if that were the case, I would probably add more things to my schedule and be even busier.
Since January, my life has been a whirlwind. I feel like I haven’t stopped- for anything.. and unfortunately that included my dad’s death. It seems that lately I’ve finally worn myself out that I feel like I can’t go anymore. This past week has been great with Luke home, but there is so many wedding details that I couldn’t do without him that we have spent a week catching up.
And we are both exhausted.
By the time I get off of work, I’m tired. But, our lives right now don’t let us take breaks. And with that doesn’t come the opportunity to sit or think… or to sit and think. When I’m so busy, I don’t have room in my brain to think about other things- just the tasks at hand and what needs to get done.
But somehow, God doesn’t let you completely avoid the other things that are going on in your life. Last week on the riveting season finale of Grey’s Anatomy, Dr. Bailey was nervously working on stopping the bleeding of a gun shot wound on one of her interns. She looked up and frantically said, “Where is all this water coming from?” The other patient in the room said, “Dr. B, you’re crying.”
I felt like I had one of those moments on my run today. You see, during wedding planning there are always reminders of the things I haven’t dealt with. At the tux shop, we discussed what the guys would be wearing. The lady helping us, not knowing the situation, asked what my dad would be wearing. When deciding our invitations, we had to discuss the wording on the invitations and if we include my dad’s name or not. The first thing people ask me when they find out my dad passed is who will walk me down the aisle.
Reminders. They are everywhere.
On my run today, all of the reminders came together and I had a Dr. Bailey moment- “Where is all this water coming from?”
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I love you Hope Grame. Maybe this is the beginning of the grieving process you've been putting off for so long. Remember our talk the other night and I was just so overwhelmed you let me cry on the phone to you? Well just know it's okay to do the same things sometimes. Sometimes a good cry is just what we need, remember all our closet crying at Bethel?! It may seem odd to cry during your run, but God's time and our time can be two very different things.
ReplyDeleteJesus had an opportunity to ease his pain when they offered him a sponge with vinegar while he suffered on the cross. He chose to face the pain of the cross head on because he knew there was glory on the other side. Don't avoid the pain of grieving. Just feel every part of it this experience until you reach the glory on the other side! Love, Robin
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