i run for.. change

I'm not a runner, I never have been a runner.

But this year has brought about many changes for me. After watching a friend run a marathon I realized that I couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs with out my asthma kicking in and getting winded. We waited at mile 6 of the marathon to cheer on our friends. As we watched all the runners breathe heavy and look exhausted, I thought to myself, "These people are CRAZY! Why would anyone want to do this to themself?" But when we were waiting at the finish line, I realized why. Accomplishment, health, adrenaline, addiction, concentration, desire, passion.. all reasons why people run.

After that weekend I set a goal for myself to run a 5k race before my wedding- August 14, 2010. I knew I had to get training, but first I had to make the decision of WHY I wanted to run. I knew I couldn't just run for the heck of it- I didn't have the desire that avid marathon runners do. But the answer to the "why" question was simple.

This year has brought about change.. alot of change. But the change that has effected me the most is the death of my dad. What a life shattering experience to hold his hand as he stopped breathing. After months of battling cancer with doctor visits, treatment schedules, needles, IV's, medicine, losing his voice, losing his hair, losing his muscle- my dad had changed. Our relationship changed, in a huge way. Through the tough conversations about life, death, and everything in between, I realized that who I am was formed so much by the man that I was having those conversations with. Who I had become was the person that had been created so much like person that was dying in that hospital bed. As much as I hated to admit it, I was definitely my father's daughter! With every conversations I realized that the only person that could teach more about myself was not going to be around to teach me much longer.

Changes- lots of changes. I guess cancer does that- it brings lots of changes. I hate cancer and I hate what it did to my dad and to my family. The worst part about it- cancer is everywhere. Everyone I talk to has a story about cancer- a loved one, a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker, a child. I wish that I was a brilliant scientist that could study cures for cancer, but my dad didn't give me a scientific mind. He gave me a philosophically, questioning, passionate mind. I can't do much in the fight against cancer, except take care of myself and raise money for those scientists that do have the capability to find the cures.

So that's what I'm doing. I will run for cancer. I will train, raise money, and blog about my efforts to help fund the research to learn more about and stop this disgusting disease. And this is where I will document everything from my struggles to the victories. I don't expect to be a race champion, but a runner with a passion.

Not a passion for running, but a passion for helping.